Last Christmas
by chaseyoudown
Summary: This year, he swears to give it to someone special. Or better yet, to no one at all. Read on for pairing!
1. Prologue

**LAST CHRISTMAS**

**Author:** chaseyoudown

**Disclaimer:** Hunter x Hunter is not mine. It belongs to the legendary Yoshihiro Togashi. May he forever be in good health.

**Warning:** Can be OOC at times. Shonen-ai. If this isn't really your thing, then pretend one of them is a girl or something.

**A/N:** Inspired a lot by the song that's not about Christmas but happened in Christmas - "Last Christmas", originally by Wham!, but I'm listening to Busted's live cover. This is my very first attempt at fan fiction. Reviews are much appreciated.

Edited 12/30/08 - realized that I completely missed one chapter. Sorry, new user got a bit confused with the Document Manager.

* * *

**Prologue**

_"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart  
But the very next day,  
You gave it away.  
This year, to save me from tears,  
I'll give it to someone special."_

He frowned.

The Christmas season does not suit Kurapika at all. He didn't like the shopping, the exorbitant spending, the ridiculous amounts of eating. But he swore to his friends - Gon, Killua, and Leorio - that the holidays would be his vacation. Or rather, they made him swear.

Revenge can wait. Right now, he has to face the horrors of a crowded mall on holiday sale.

He looked around, a scowl all the while marring his perfect features. But even so, and even despite the stress and rush, Kurapika still managed to attract stares. His blond hair was beautifully disheveled. His skin has always been pale, but they are paler because of the winter season, making his deep blue eyes stand out even more.

The tide of shoppers carried him to a particularly high-end store. He was fighting his way out, when something caught his eye.

Without a second of thought, he grabbed it, paid for it regardless of the unreasonable price tag he'd usually complain of, and immediately went home.

* * *

**A/N:** If you actually want to proceed, I suggest you take a look at the lyrics of the song first. It would help you get the story better. Come on, "last christmas wham" on your browser won't take much. ;)


	2. Once Bitten, Twice Shy

**Chapter 1: Once Bitten, Twice Shy**

* * *

**12 22 09**

02:53 pm

Gon tugged on his shirt. He was greeted with wide, child-like amber eyes. "Kurapika, tell Leorio not to cook!"

"He's volunteering. Let him," came his nonchalant reply.

"Are you mad?" Killua said from out of nowhere. Kurapika turned and saw the look of mock horror on his friend's face. "We'd die! We won't live to see the new year." He paused for a while, as if to think. "Seriously."

Kurapika just smiled. Leorio _was_ a horrible cook. But when he announced that he wanted to prepare their Christmas dinner earlier that day, he was so filled with enthusiasm and willingness that Kurapika failed to think of the ..repercussions.

11:17 pm

He lied on his bed. He couldn't sleep. He was simply lying for a good two hours now.

He closed his eyes. Christmas. He still isn't done looking for gifts for his friends. _Let's see_, he thought. A flute bag for Senritsu. A nice moleskin notebook for Bashou for all his haikus. Gon and Killua, maybe some good new shirts? They're always wearing the same stuff. Green for Gon, definitely, he seems too fond of the color to wear something else. For Killua, maybe a nice dark blue or purple.

Killua. The memory of last Christmas suddenly returned to his head, unwelcomed. It was almost a year ago..

*****

"Kurapika! Come watch this movie with us!" Gon cheerfully said. He was sitting comfortably on the couch, pointing to some Christmas special on TV.

Leorio emerged from the kitchen. "Come on, Kurapika! I made us some popcorn. Well, it's a little burnt but I'm sure it's okay."

Kurapika wrinkled his nose. "Thanks, but no thanks. Not really my thing.. and I need to go out."

Both faces fell slightly. "If you change your mind, you can always come back." Leorio pointed at the screen. "Still 8 minutes before the movie starts. If you hurry up you'll be back in time."

"I doubt it," he answered, grabbing his brown duffel bag and quickly approaching the door.

"Kurapika, if you get to see Killua returning, tell him to hurry. I bet he'd like to watch this," Gon said.

"Sure," he replied, and closed the door.

---

He sighed. It was a beautiful winter twilight.

Kurapika loved winter. And he loved Christmas too. He wasn't always the scrooge he appears to be now. Years ago, back when life was peaceful in Rukuso, he looked forward to the holidays. He would make little cards to his family and friends, they would exchange gifts, and at night drink hot chocolate, watching the snow. He never felt the chill of the season because of the warmth of his family.

But that's not going to happen anymore, he thought, a grim smile breaking his wistfulness. Gon, Killua and Leorio are his friends, and they make him happy, but it just wasn't the same.

"You okay?" a voice broke his thoughts.

He looked to see Killua peering at him, his blue eyes piercing. His friend was oddly underdressed, but he didn't look cold at all.

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

Killua glared at him suspiciously. "We've been friends for two years now. You can't lie to me."

"You're right. I can't, but I don't know what to say. So a lie would do for now."

They both fell silent for a while, each sort of daring each other to say something.

"It's about your family."

It wasn't a question. And with that, Kurapika's face crumpled, and he broke down in tears.

---

He felt horrible. The snow, nostalgia, Killua's words - everything just came crashing down at him. He didn't feel a sense of loss, but a sense of longing, and he realized for the first time that he never admitted to himself that he missed his family. Everything was a blur of blue and white. But then he felt Killua lifting his face, and in the blur he saw in him someone who cared. His eyes.. they were a velvet midnight blue that seemed to go on forever. Killua leaned closer and closer to him, and finally closed the distance with a kiss.

Somehow, it felt right. It was the best thing anyone could do for him at that moment.

---

They went home together very silently afterwards, to a sleeping Gon and Leorio. Their movie was still on, but apparently, even they couldn't last in the sappiness. Leorio was sprawled all over the couch, and Gon was nuzzling on his thigh like a baby cub.

The next day, Kurapika still couldn't stop thinking about the events of yesterday. He touched his lips, and remembering how wonderfully soft and warm Killua's felt on his, a flush crept on his face. He couldn't help feeling that Killua saved him. All he needed right then was someone to care for him, to want him, and be there for him - and Killua was that. Christmas morning came, and they had acted like nothing happened. They laughed together amiably, and there was nary an awkward moment. But Killua later whispered to him, so softly that it escaped even the animal instincts of Gon - "We need to talk."

Killua entered his room when night fell, and Kurapika felt his face lighting up at the sight of the boy. He needed him. He was his only source of strength now.

And then Killua said something that broke his heart.

"I didn't mean to."

*****

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**A/N: **I just reread the flashback part, and I apologize if it seems a little bit off. My narrative skills aren't in their best condition. Anyway, anyone read Volume 291 of the manga yet? It's Togashi-sensei's Christmas gift to us, y'all.


	3. A Man Undercover

**Chapter 2: A Man Undercover**

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**12 23 09**

06:33 am

Kurapika woke up groggy. His eyes were itchy, and his whole body felt like a ton of bricks. Flashbacks always took a tremendous toll on him, as his pasts were never really good.

He sat with Gon, Leorio and Killua at the table for breakfast. He took the cereal box, dumped some on his bowl, and ate quietly. He refused to look at Killua's direction, still somewhat bothered with the memory he thought he had long buried. Moreover, he was bothered at the fact that he was bothered.

He believed he had forgotten it long ago. No use dwelling on that little holiday fling. Killua seemed to have completely forgotten about it.

Too bad he was good at that, remembering.

Leorio was going on and on about his Christmas feast, that he was going to make all their favorites. He downloaded recipes off the internet, and will be buying "only the freshest ingredients" at the market later on. Killua seemed to have gotten tired of it and ate his cereal as quickly as possible to escape the table. Kurapika was only half-tuned. Apparently, they are now talking of getting some treats for dessert, or something of that sort.

"Will I get kisses too?"

Kurapika suddenly felt his shoulders tense. _Kisses?_

"Uh-huh, you should. Killua likes kisses."

"He likes anything chocolate," Leorio grunted in reply.

"True," Gon said. Kurapika realized that _of course _they were talking about the chocolate. He hated himself for even thinking otherwise. _But why oh why did the damned things have to be called by that anyway?_

"Kurapika? Are you okay? Your face is all weird," Gon noticed.

Kurapika wanted to choke on his cereal.

03:46 pm

"Do you want to go to the market with me?"

Kurapika looked up from his book. "Market?" he echoed.

"Yup. I'll get the stuff I need for tomorrow." Kurapika was about to shake his head no when the older man pulled him up. "Let's go!"

---

The market was crowded, probably just like every other place right now.

Leorio was ticking off some things on his shopping list. "Olives, check. Cheese, check."

Kurapika raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were making our favorites. I don't think any of us like olives or cheese that much."

Leorio grinned. "So you were paying attention a while ago! I thought you were in your own world again."

Kurapika bit his lip. It only so happened that he tuned in at that part of the conversation. "I had to," he fibbed, "Else I'd be allowing myself to be killed without at least trying to do anything about it."

"Come on, my cooking isn't that bad."

"Not that bad? Case in point. Almost every day of our lives."

"Be specific, would you?"

"Fine. Last Thanksgiving."

"What about last Thanksgiving?"

"Don't act so innocent. Poor Gon nearly experienced a premature death with that corn bread of yours."

"You can't say baking soda and detergent don't look anything alike."

"What is the detergent doing there at the first place!"

Then Leorio giggled. Kurapika stared at him in horror.

"It's nothing," he said, warmth evident in his voice. "I just missed know bickering with you and stuff. You've been so busy, so into your own thing, we don't get together anymore. And we're living in the same roof.."

Kurapika felt his face soften, and found that he missed all of it too.

Leorio saw the change in his features and smiled. With more boldness than any of us can imagine, he took the Kuruta's hand. When Kurapika didn't shake his hand off, his smile grew bigger.

08:48 pm

Dinner was surprisingly pleasant for a change. Leorio didn't mess up the noodles as he usually did. In fact, they weren't bad at all. It made them all slightly optimistic about that Christmas dinner.

Kurapika climbed on his bed. He was contemplating whether or not to contemplate on what happened at the market earlier.

He and Leorio were friends. And Leorio may be loud and obnoxious at times, but Kurapika knows that he can be very sweet. Leorio isn't known for his modesty, but he chooses to be humble of his best qualities - the fact that he's so noble and sacrificing. Kurapika admires that a lot.

But then, he is one of the most special friends he has ever had. He won't risk their friendship for anything, and surely Leorio wouldn't too by wanting to steer things to a different direction.

Kurapika sighed. He never really thought of his own sexual orientation, never gave much importance to it, but he knows for a fact that Leorio is straight. Heck, aside from Gon who probably thought straight is simply not curly, Leorio was the straightest in their little group. That encounter they had way back in the Trick Tower with the manipulative female convict wasproof of that.

But then, when Leorio held his hand and intertwined it on his own.. it didn't feel like it was out of platonic friendship. There was something more.

He laid his head on his pillow. Whatever the case, he was going to be careful about his feelings this time.

* * *

**A/N:** I know, I know. The 'kisses' bit is horrid. I couldn't resist.


	4. Fool Me Again

**Chapter 3: Fool Me Again**

* * *

**12 24 09**

03:15 am

Killua woke up for water.

He went down their two-storey apartment to the kitchen, when he heard a light shuffling in the kitchen.

He felt a slight tug on the corners of his lips. If it was Gon, he could sneak up ever so quietly and scare the living hell out of him. If it was Kurapika, he could catch him completely off-guard and maybe accomplish getting a funny expression off the usually level-headed boy. Kurapika's expressions were priceless.

All plots were completely set aside when he saw that it was Leorio.

_What? Why is he up so late? Or so early? Old man sleeps like a bear,_ he wondered.

"Oy, old man."

Leorio jumped from the counter. "Geez, Killua. You're going to give me a heart attack someday."

"I'm just going to get water," he said. "Why are you up, anyway? It's three freaking o'clock."

Leorio couldn't help but smile. "I couldn't sleep.. I was thinking about.. well.. what I'm going to cook for Christmas dinner," he finished.

Killua groaned inwardly. Leorio was really taking that dinner seriously. It was all he ever thought and talked about. He acts like a love sick fool about it. He grabbed a pitcher of water and filled his glass.

"Killua, what do you think Kurapika likes?"

Killua nearly choked on his water. He coughed for a few times before finally answering, "Why?"

Leorio shrugged. "I really want this dinner to be perfect, but somehow I couldn't think of what I can cook for Kurapika. I know he's not really finicky, but he's cultured and so traveled.. and he's not usually the complaining type, but he isn't too appreciative either.."

Killua frowned. He had a feeling this wasn't just about dinner.

04:43 am

Killua was still awake.

He lied on his bed, tossing a soccer ball up and down. He wasn't thinking of Leorio's ramblings earlier about Kurapika and dinner. He was thinking of ..Kurapika.

_It was exactly a year since it happened,_ he mused.

It was the day before Christmas, and Killua had gone out in the dead of winter to finish his Christmas shopping. He wasn't really into picking out and giving gifts, but his friends appeared to be. So without getting as much as a coat, he went out.

When he was heading back, he saw Kurapika wandering on the park near their apartment. He went to him and they talked, if you can call it that.

"It's about your family," Killua said when Kurapika refused to say what's bothering him.

And then he broke down in front of him.

Killua felt numb. He always knew that Kurapika, in spite of the strength he shows, in spite of the rigid morality, was actually very broken. But he never seemed to really show it, so Killua learned not to dwell on it too.

But now.. well, all he wanted to do was to pick up his pieces and put them back together.

He felt his hands hold Kurapika, gently made him sit on the snow. He wrapped his arms around him, and allowed the shattered Kuruta to cry on his shoulders.

His vulnerability was _dazzling_. He couldn't help himself. His hand took his chin, raised it up, and saw his deep blue eyes, rapidly changing to its famed red color, and decided that he had never seen anything more beautiful.

He leaned over to kiss him.

It was all he thought he can do at the moment, and it felt right.

But the following day, he wondered if he did the right thing. For the first time in a while, Killua felt scared. He didn't mean to maybe jeopardize their friendship, to scare the Kuruta off.

So when he finally got the chance, he told Kurapika the only words he can say - "I didn't mean to."

And after that, they both pretended it never happened. Kurapika had appeared to had forgotten about it, so he made it a point that he appeared to have forgotten as well, even thought he thought about it every day.


	5. Soul of Ice

**Chapter 4: Soul of Ice**

* * *

**12 24 09**

08:39 am

"I need to go out."

"What for?" Gon asked.

"Shopping," Kurapika mumbled.

Killua looked surprised at that, and narrowed his eyes at Leorio, who perked up. "I'll go with you, if you want," the older man offered.

Kurapika shook his head. "No, it's okay. It's too much. The malls are packed to the brim."

Leorio gaped for a while. "The more you need someone to go with you."

"We'll just get lost together."

Killua imagined naughty thoughts forming in Leorio's head. He felt sick.

Before Leorio could pull another let's-go, as he did in the market visit, Kurapika bolted out the door. He appreciated Leorio wanting to accompany him, he really did, but he hasn't gotten anything for any of them yet, and he wanted it to be a surprise.

Killua watched Kurapika leave, and then looked at Leorio's crestfallen visage. He smirked.

---

"You seemed happy about Kurapika not wanting to go with Leorio," Gon said from out of the blue.

Killua was surprised. He looked at his friend, who was wearing a haughty, very disapproving look that he most probably adopted from his Aunt Mito.

Was it that obvious? Killua wondered. He knows that Gon may be innocent, but he's observant as hell, and he points out those observations easily. Killua decided to handle the situation with caution.

"Not really. I just enjoy watching them like that. Like a married couple."

"Oh," was Gon's reply. He didn't seem to fully comprehend, but was content that Killua wasn't being a jerk. "How about you, done with your shopping yet?"

"Nope. That's why I need to go out now," Killua answered, then promptly disappeared from the room.

_Yes, with caution. It means lie and then escape._


	6. Fire in His Heart

**Chapter 5: Fire in His Heart**

* * *

**12 25 09**

06:21 am

"Merry Christmas!"

05:00 pm

Killua heard someone knock on his door. "Come in."

Kurapika entered. He had just came home from visiting Senritsu and Bashou at the Nostrade estate. His cheeks were flushed from the cold air, and his gold hair mussed. He intentionally made the trip longer by taking unnecessary detours here and there, and by doing his best to walk slowly. They were friends, all right - but he couldn't help but feel apprehensive, even scared, of giving his gift to Killua. It shouldn't be any different from Gon and Leorio, but it was. _No turning back now, _he breathed.

"Hey." He thrusted the small striped blue and green paper bag to Killua's hands, "I hope you like it," barely looking at him.

"Wait, I'll get your gift too. It's here somewhere.." Killua rummaged through his very messy closet and unearthed a small brown paper-wrapped package. He gave it to Kurapika.

They just stood in front of each other for a while.

"So.. we open it at the same time?"

Kurapika laughed, a bit uneasily. "That's what Gon likes making us do."

Killua grinned. "It's really bad." They both know that no one among them likes the ritual Gon pre-set for all of them, but it was so hard to say no to those innocent doe eyes, so they always comply.

They both opened the gifts, and were paralyzed upon seeing what they are.

Snow globes. Small, _identical_ snow globes.

---

"It reminded me of you," Kurapika was first to break that very long silence.

"Same here. I didn't even think about it - I just got it the moment I saw it."

Kurapika looked down at the snow globe. Of course it reminded them of each other. It was a scene that looked curiously a lot like their nearby park, with the lush green trees, the scattered benches, and the pure white snow. There were even two figurine people smack in the middle, looking at one another and holding hands. It was last Christmas.

"I'm sorry," Kurapika said. He felt his emotions suddenly rise up, and he was afraid that if he stay here any longer, he'll cry in front of Killua again.

---

"Don't go," Killua grabbed his arm to stop him from leaving.

Kurapika took a deep breath. "I was a fool," he said, a slight, shaky smile on his lips. His eyes were still on the snow globe. " I felt really bad. It all just came to me then. For the first time, I didn't feel angry or driven to avenge my clan - I.. I just missed my family. I felt alone. But that time, you were there, and.." he trailed.

"I was a fool too," Killua said softly. "I saw you, and you looked so sad, so fragile. I wanted to be there for you. And that time, you looked.. well, beautiful." He blushed. "I was compelled to.. you know.."

Kurapika's gaze didn't leave the globe, so he continued, "I lied when I told you I didn't mean it. I was scared, and it was all I thought I could do. So I ..proceeded with caution." He smiled bitterly, hating his incapacity to take risks. It was almost inborn - he was brought up never to fight if the chance of success is less than a hundred percent. But he was able to overcome that, and now he's going to overcome this too, and finally tell the truth he'd been keeping for so long.

"I love you. I meant it."

Kurapika finally looked up. His expression was unreadable. But then he smiled, and said softly, teasingly - "So you're telling me I'm beautiful only that time?"

Killua smiled back, and countered, "And you're telling me that I was there for you only that time?"

Mild shock and horror crossed the Kuruta's face, and he very evidently looked like he was going to unleash a string of no's, but Killua stopped him from holding his hand. Kurapika contented himself by semi-glaring at him and pouting. Killua couldn't help being enthralled by his expression. It had to be his most priceless yet.

And then Killua's face turned serious. "I am always here."

---

Kurapika could not fathom the joy he experienced upon hearing those words. Killua leaned closer to him, his hand still in his, their hands still clutching the snow globes, and kissed him. A tear fell from Kurapika's eye, and then he kissed him back. He sighed happily. Oh well. There were still tears.

But someone special, indeed.

* * *

**A/N:** Did you check out the lyrics of "Last Christmas"? If you did, a lot of the lines in this chapter would've been familiar. ;)


	7. You Tore Me Apart

**Chapter 6: You Tore Me Apart**

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07:56 pm

Christmas dinner was horrible.


End file.
